Chapter 8 - books

After the holidays past, and I officially finished my last college classes, my life returned to normal...and it was only then that I realized that I was forced to realized it was a new normal.  I was a stay-at-home mom...and I found myself admitting it wasn't at all like I had pictured it.  But when I tried to figure out what I had pictured, I realized that I hadn't pictured these years at all.  Sending my little girl off to school-sure.  Being a soccer mom, or a gymnastics mom, or a dance mom--sure.  Taking family vacations camping or to Disneyland--of course.  But the everyday life with an infant, not at all.  I don't really get how this happened.  I mean, my sister just ahd a baby a year ago so I thought I knew what to expect.  But other than seeing my neice play with toys, and get her diapers changed, when we would get together, I guess I really wasn't paying that much attention. 

This whole nursing thing, not even close to a piece of cake.  Isn't the baby just supposed to know how to do it? Apparently not.  And being at home with a little one who can't talk can be torture.  After realizing some days I would go practically the whole day without hearing my own voice, I started making a daily phone call to my sister just to ensure I had at least one conversation during the day, and it helped to be able to vent about some of this motherhood stuff 

"Someone should write a book about what motherhood is really like. Not like a what to expect type book, but a novel, or a memoir."
"Uh, Amber, there are lots of them out there."
"Really?"

She gave me a few titles and I wrote them down.  I thought about the last time I had been to the library for fun.  I don't think I have read a book for pleasure since junior year in high school.  Ever since I started having to read a book a week in my AP English class senior year, all my free time was used up with trying to read thick, confusing classics and writing book reports.  After that, and all of the textbook reading I did in college, I had forgotten how much I loved reading. 

As proof of how much I had missed it, I still remember the first book I read when I re-found my love of books.  Little Earthquakes, by Jennifer Wiener. The storyline was a bit to complicated and dramatic to be compared to my own life, but I loved how candid they were when talking about motherhood.  I remember reading a part where one of the moms talked about how hard breast-feeding was, and thinking "okay, I guess people have writen about this." Most of all I loved how I could escape from my day, and get lost in another world.  I love how usually, anything you want to learn how to do, you can find a book that can teach you 'how to'.